A Soulful Journey

Years ago when Soviet Jews were desperate to leave the Soviet Union a Russian Jew applied for a visa to emigrate to Israel.   He mailed in the forms and was later interviewed by the KGB.   The official asked, “Do you have any relatives abroad?”   The Russian Jew answered, “No.”   However it was known that the Jew had a brother that lived in Israel.   “Ah,” he replied.   “My brother is at home.   It is I who am abroad.”

  How happy was Brezhnev was to be at his dacha in the Crimea:   The first morning he woke early and went out onto the balcony to greet the sun. “Good morning, beautiful sun,” exclaimed the Soviet leader. “Good morning,” illustrious first secretary of our beloved party,” the sun said brightly. After a few hours in his office, Brezhnev again went outside, this time to see the warm, glowing afternoon sun overhead. “Good afternoon, dear sun,” shouted Brezhnev. “Good afternoon, courageous hero of the anti-fascist war and beloved first citizen of our glorious homeland,” the sun answered. Brezhnev went back into the house, took a nap, and then did a few more hours of work before stepping out onto the balcony for a look at the sunset. “Good evening, setting sun,” said Brezhnev with a wave of his hand. “Go to hell, you b$s#t@r!d,” replied the sun, “I’ve made it to the West.” –David Harris

Khaimovich applied to emigrate from the USSR. He was called to OVIR and notified that his application had been refused. "But why?" he protested. "Because you are in possession of state secrets from your place of work." "Sate secrets?  You must be kidding.  In my field, the Americans are at least 20 years ahead of us." "That's precisely the secret." Rabinovich was call to OVIR to discuss his application to emigrate to Israel. "Isn't everything good for you here, Rabinovich?  Don't you have all that you need?" asked the OVIR official. "Well," began Rabinovich, "the fact  of the matter is that I have two reasons for wanting to emigrate.  The first is because of the neighbor who comes home stone-drunk every night and tarts cursing the Jews.  He always says that as soon as the Communists are overthrown, he and his Russian friends will go out and hang all the Jews." "But Rabinovich, you know that...

Khaimovich was called to the OVIR office. Khaimovich, I want to know why you have decided to leaver the country,” said the OVIR official. “No, no, you’ve got it all wrong.   I don’t want to leave, my wife does.” “So divorce and let her emigrate by herself.” “Yes, but…it’s not quite that simple.   It’s not only my wife that want   to leave but also her mother.” “What’s the problem? Let those bloody Zionists go. We don’t need them here do we, Khaimovich?” “Yes, well…but there is also my wife’s brother’s family and then there are my wife’s in-laws and their other children.” “So, they’ll go, and you and I will remain to build communism." “But there’s a problem.” “What?” “They can’t leave without me.   I’m the only Jew among them.”

Rabinovich was called to the Secret Service (OVIR) to discuss his desire emigrate to Israel. “Isn’t everything good for you here, Rabinovich?” asked the agent. “Well,” began Rabinovich, “the fact of the matter is I have two reasons for wanting to leave.   The first is my neighbor who comes home drunk every night and starts cursing the Jews.   He always says as soon as the Communists are overthrown he and his Russian counterparts will go out and hang all the Jews.” ’But Rabinovich, you know that we Communists will never be overthrown.” “And that,” said Rabinovich, “is my second reason.” Morals: No matter how bad things get never stop believing in what can be and keep your sense of humor.

Russian official: “Why are you applying to leave the Soviet Union?” Emigrant: “Everyone at work keeps telling me that the Soviet Union is in such a state of political and economic crisis that it’s going to collapse.” Russian official: “Nonsense.   The Soviet Union is very stable.   It can go on just as it is for thousands of years.” Emigrant: “That’s my other reason." We, on the other hand, have been around since Abraham, and will remain that way.  Trust in the One.