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Showing posts with the label Rabbi Arthur Lavinsky

Learning to Laugh at Ourselves

A traditional Jew decides that all the mitzvot have become a burden, so he decides to convert to Christianity. The next morning, after his conversion, his wife sees him putting on his tefillin and she yells, "I thought you converted!" He responds by slapping his forehead and saying "Oy, a goyishe kop!" * A Wall Street financier becomes exceedingly wealthy, moves into a multimillion $ condo on Park Ave. and decides to have a housewarming. He invites his elderly Jewish mother but she never shows up. Very concerned, he calls her the first thing next morning: "Mom, I thought you were coming to my party. Where were you?" She replies, "I was in your lobby but I couldn't remember your name." * An (apocryphal) story was told by Groucho Marx about the banker Otto Kahn. Kahn was walking in New York with a friend who suffered from kyphosis.  They passed a synagogue, and Kahn said, "You know, I used to be a Jew." The friend replied, ...

What we Give

Max and Irving went fishing on an overcast afternoon. About two hours into their expedition a fierce storm developed. Their small rowboat tossed and tossed and finally flipped over into the middle of the lake. Max, a strong swimmer, called to save Irving, but to no avail. Irving did not respond to any plea and unfortunately drowned. Max swam to shore to break the terrible news to Irving’s poor wife.  “What happened?” she screamed. “Tell me the whole story!”  Max recounted the entire episode in full detail.  “But what did you do to try to save my Irving?” she shrieked.  Max explained once again. “I kept screaming to your husband, ‘Irving, give me your hand — give me your hand — give me your hand!  But Irving just gave me a blank stare and drifted away.”  “You fool!” shouted the widow.  “You said the wrong thing.  You should have said, ‘take my hand.’  Irving never gave anything to anybody!”   -Rabbi Arthur Lavinsky Life is no...