“He has trouble feeling his feelings; he may never perceive that he is having feelings at all. She cannot feel ; she can experience her emotions, all too well, but doesn’t have any idea about how to limit or control them. Between them, in fact, they contain the qualities one might expect to find in a single healthy functioning individual - i.e., the ability to perceive and experience emotionality and the ability to set reasonable limits upon emotionality in order to keep it within bounds and relatively manageable.” Maggie Scarf writing in Intimate Partners about how a couple collude and avoid change. Perhaps the most important thing anyone can do is grow and change. It is essential to life. Yet, there are times when we become so dependent on our surroundings that if we stay still, we will wither.