A Soulful Journey

 A Tanna taught: "The death of a man is only felt by his wife."  - Sanhedrin 22b A seal of commitment between people is so powerful that nothing rivals it in this world.

A vinu , grow our love for You daily.  Avvinu, help us to love each other unconditionally. Avinu, allow us to respect one another in an empowering way.  Avinu, teach us how to complete each other, building us into one unit You design.  Avinu, rid our hearts from grudges or bitterness towards one another, teaching us to forgive readily and extend grace continually.  Av HaRachamim, let us encourage each other to achieve the dreams you give us individually and jointly.  Avinu Sh’ba’shamyim, keep us humble, placing each other’s needs ahead of our own.  Avinu Sh’ba’shamyim, guard our hearts from selfishness and self-centered desires.  Av HaRachmim, protect our marriage from the destruction of outside influences.  Avinu, make our commitment deeper than our emotions, stronger than the seasons of change and the trials which will come our way. 

Rabbi Meir used to give public sermons every Friday evening. A certain women, who enjoyed his lectures greatly, attended regularly. One evening, his sermon was especially long and when the woman returned home she found her house dark and her husband angrily standing at the door. “Where have you been?” he shouted at her. "To hear the rabbi preach," the woman replied. ”Since the rabbi’s preaching has pleased you so much,” the husband said, “I vow that you will not enter this house until you have spat in his eyes. That is his reward for the entertainment he has given you,” he added sarcastically. The husband barred the doorway and refused to allow his wife to enter. The strongest woman went to live with a neighbor. When word of the incident reached Rabbi Meir he sent for the woman. Pretending to have pain in both his eyes, the rabbi asked her if she knew of a cure for his illness. The simple woman nervously said, “No.” “Spit seven times in my eyes,” said the Rabbi, “perhaps that...

 Rava stated, "A bad spouse is like continual rain.  They both drip."  - yevamot 63b The Talmud, ever pithy and often humorous, skillfully declares appropriate behavior in any relationship.  Conversation should be up front, transparent and honest.

An Israeli mayor in a small town was walking past a construction site with his wife. One of the construction workers stopped and shouted, “What’s new, Sara?” “Why, it’s nice to see you again Avi,” the mayor’s wife replied. She then introduced her husband to the construction worker, and they spoke for several minutes. After the mayor and his wife continued on, the mayor turned to his wife to asked how she knew the construction worker. “Oh,” she said. “We went together in high school. I even thought about marrying him.” The husband began to laugh. “You don’t realize how lucky you are. If I hadn’t come along, today you would be the wife of a construction worker!” The wife replied without hesitation, “Not really. If I had married him, he’d now be a mayor!” We are never alone.  We make ourselves and, at the same time, are made by those that surround us.  - Rabbi Eli Perlman

"He who has no wife is not a man for Scripture says, "Male and female He created them...and called their name Adam."  - Yevamot 63A And the same can be said for her.

"Before you take a wife study her brothers."   -Talmud, Baba Batra 110a They knew long ago what psychology has newly discovered: we take on the habits of our family of origin.

Sonia: "How is your husband?" Mania: "Like the sun." Sonia: "Is he so handsome?" Mania: "No, but just as the sun disappears every evening, so does he." Work at love.

A woman soldier who was stationed in Afghanistan saw an Afghan woman, dressed very modestly with a scarf, walking to the marketplace with her husband. The woman made a point of walking five paces behind her husband. Then when the couple walked back from the market, again, she remained always five paces behind her husband. The soldier could not understand, and finally, through a translator, she went to speak with the woman. The soldier said “Don’t you know that the Taliban are no longer in power?” “I know that” said the woman. “Don’t you know that you are no longer required to walk five paces behind your husband?” “I know that” said the woman. “Don’t you know that men and women are treated equally in the new Afghanistan?” “I know that” said the woman. “So why do you insist on walking five paces behind your husband?” The Afghan woman looked at her and said: “Very simple. Land mines.”  - Rabbi Mark Zimmerman

Everyone is under the obligation to live in Israel.  For example, if a husband wants to make aliya and his wife does not, she may be compelled.  And if she continues to refuse she may forfeit her ketuba . If she wishes to make aliya and he refuses, he may be compelled.  If he continues to refuse he will be forced to pay her ketuba. The same is true of leaving the land.   -Ketubot 110 The hoy land is indeed holy and we are soulfully bound to it.

One survey of 10,000 men with heart disease found a 50% reduction in the frequency of angina from men who perceived wives as loving and supportive.   American Journal of Medicine 1976 Just imagine what healing can come from love!

There is a story of a woman with fourteen children, whose ages were one through fourteen. She decided to sue her husband for divorce on grounds of desertion.         “When did he desert you?” the judge asked.         “Thirteen years ago,” she replied.         “He left 13 years ago? Where did all the children come from?”         The woman looked sheepish.         “He kept coming back to say he was sorry.” -Rabbi Toba August

Tractate Chulin in the Talmud (84b) says that a man should eat and drink less than in accordance with what he can afford, dress himself in accordance with what he can afford, and he should honor his wife and children more than in accordance with what he can afford. The wife and children are dependent on the husband, and the husband is dependent on the One Who Spoke And The World Was Created.   -   Rabbi Arthur Lavinsky

"A husband's death is felt by none more than his wife; A wife's deathis felt by none more than her husband." -Sanhedrin 22a-b

“If the wife of one’s youth dies, the world turns to darkness, his steps are shortened; his wisdom diminishes. It is as if he were present at the destruction of the Temple.” – Talmud, Sanhedrin 22

Sometimes we must admit we cannot change another, even someone we love.   What do we do then?   Only one thing: change yourself. “There was a lady who said my husband is the most brilliant man in the world.   Albert Einstein, I am told, had only four people in the world that could understand him.   My husband,” she said, “Nobody can understand.” – Harold Kushner