Khaimovich applied to emigrate from the USSR. He was called to OVIR and notified that his application had been refused.
"But why?" he protested.
"Because you are in possession of state secrets from your place of work."
"Sate secrets? You must be kidding. In my field, the Americans are at least 20 years ahead of us."
"That's precisely the secret."
Rabinovich was call to OVIR to discuss his application to emigrate to Israel.
"Isn't everything good for you here, Rabinovich? Don't you have all that you need?" asked the OVIR official.
"Well," began Rabinovich, "the fact of the matter is that I have two reasons for wanting to emigrate. The first is because of the neighbor who comes home stone-drunk every night and tarts cursing the Jews. He always says that as soon as the Communists are overthrown, he and his Russian friends will go out and hang all the Jews."
"But Rabinovich, you know that the Communists will never be overthrown."
"And that," said Rabinovich, "is my second reason."
There was a knock at the door of Shapiro's apartment at 3 am. He put his head under the pillow and tried to ignore it but the knocking persisted.
Reluctantly he put on his spillers and robe and went to the front door.
"Who is it?" he asked.
"The postman."
Shapiro opened the door and was promptly set on by five hulking KGB agents.
"Tell us, Shapiro, what is the greatest country in the world?"
"Our homeland, of course."
"And what is the best political system yet invented?"
"Communism."
"And in what country do workers enjoy real freedom?"
"The Soviet Union."
"Then, tell us, Shapiro, why have you applied to emigrate to Israel?"
"Because at least there the postman doesn't wake you up at 3 am."
What's the definition of a Soviet string quartet?
A Soviet symphony orchestra that has just returned from a tour of the West.
What is the difference between Catholicism and Gorbachov's communism?
In Catholicism there is life after death. In Gorbachev's communism there is posthumous rehabilitation.
What is meat by an exchange of opinions in the Communist Party of the Soviet Union?
It's when I come to a party meeting with my own opinion, and I leave with the party's."
A classified ad in an East German newspaper: "Prepared to exchange a luxury apartment in East Berlin for a hole in the Wall."
An American tourist entered a Moscow butcher shop.
"I'm giving a party tonight for some friends," he said to the clerk. "Please wrap up 10 steaks."
"I'll be happy to," smiled the clerk. "Give me the steaks."
What is the ratio between a dollar, a pound and a ruble?
In Odessa for a pound of rubles you can get a dollar.
"But why?" he protested.
"Because you are in possession of state secrets from your place of work."
"Sate secrets? You must be kidding. In my field, the Americans are at least 20 years ahead of us."
"That's precisely the secret."
Rabinovich was call to OVIR to discuss his application to emigrate to Israel.
"Isn't everything good for you here, Rabinovich? Don't you have all that you need?" asked the OVIR official.
"Well," began Rabinovich, "the fact of the matter is that I have two reasons for wanting to emigrate. The first is because of the neighbor who comes home stone-drunk every night and tarts cursing the Jews. He always says that as soon as the Communists are overthrown, he and his Russian friends will go out and hang all the Jews."
"But Rabinovich, you know that the Communists will never be overthrown."
"And that," said Rabinovich, "is my second reason."
There was a knock at the door of Shapiro's apartment at 3 am. He put his head under the pillow and tried to ignore it but the knocking persisted.
Reluctantly he put on his spillers and robe and went to the front door.
"Who is it?" he asked.
"The postman."
Shapiro opened the door and was promptly set on by five hulking KGB agents.
"Tell us, Shapiro, what is the greatest country in the world?"
"Our homeland, of course."
"And what is the best political system yet invented?"
"Communism."
"And in what country do workers enjoy real freedom?"
"The Soviet Union."
"Then, tell us, Shapiro, why have you applied to emigrate to Israel?"
"Because at least there the postman doesn't wake you up at 3 am."
What's the definition of a Soviet string quartet?
A Soviet symphony orchestra that has just returned from a tour of the West.
What is the difference between Catholicism and Gorbachov's communism?
In Catholicism there is life after death. In Gorbachev's communism there is posthumous rehabilitation.
What is meat by an exchange of opinions in the Communist Party of the Soviet Union?
It's when I come to a party meeting with my own opinion, and I leave with the party's."
A classified ad in an East German newspaper: "Prepared to exchange a luxury apartment in East Berlin for a hole in the Wall."
An American tourist entered a Moscow butcher shop.
"I'm giving a party tonight for some friends," he said to the clerk. "Please wrap up 10 steaks."
"I'll be happy to," smiled the clerk. "Give me the steaks."
What is the ratio between a dollar, a pound and a ruble?
In Odessa for a pound of rubles you can get a dollar.
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