A Soulful Journey

“God, you Jews are truly exotic!”   “Exotic? She should only know the Greenblatts.” – Woody Allen “Jews somehow think it’s Jewish if it has class. Why do you think that in Miami everybody is named Horowitz, but every building they live in is called the “Condominium of la tres de la mer?”   -Jackie Mason

In the realm of Jewish scholarship there are two types 1.     A  ba’al halacha , a person whose knowledge and observance is impeccable but he is likened to a naked giant for while he is great in observance, this is his sole possession. 2.     A  ba’al agadda , whose is an artist and expert in legend and folklore. A masterful storyteller, he is likened to a full panoply.    Outside the exterior gleams but inside there is only emptiness. It is the combination of these two that we strive to reach.  – Dr. Weisberg, University College

“Our God and God of our fathers  God of Abraham, God of Isaac, God of Jacob …” “Our God” – a personal search. “ God of our fathers” – this is the tradition handed down through the generations. “God of Abraham, God of Isaac, God of Jacob” – Each did not rely on what was transmitted to them. Instead, they forged their own personal relationship with the Divine. -Geoffrey Hartman

“It must be clear to everybody …that the new century does not open under very favorable auspices for Judaism… Our scriptures are the constant object of attack, our history is questioned, and its morality is declared to be an inferior sort. Worst of all is that attitude of the younger generation, who if not directly hostile, are by dint of mere ignorance sadly indifferent to everything Jewish, and in capable of taking the place of their parents in the synagogue… They are bound to end in that cold critical attitude toward Judaism in terminating and drifting away from it all together.”  - Solomon Schechter, Studies in Judaism , 1901 The more things change the more they remain the same.  And after all this time, we are still here.

  A scene just 45 Years ago, board a train in Brooklyn: Poland had been invaded by Hitler in September of 1939, five months earlier. A 12 year old youngster is shouting above the din and the rattle of the train, appealing for funds for the  Va’ad Hatzalah to save Polish Jews. He approached a middle-aged, obviously Jewish man who snarls at him and says, “I don’t care about Polish Jews.  I’m a Belgian Jew…”  - the boy was Norman Lamm When we finally come to the realization that we have a mandate, a  full responsibility to care for one another, the Mashiah will know it is time for him to come.

“If he is called Mendel You can eat out of his fendel.” -Yiddish jingle If a person is a known Jew you can trust his observance of kashrut.

A new take on an old joke about, “You can’t take it with you.”  A partner of a law firm lies dying. He makes his three partners promise to leave $1000 each in his coffin. After he dies, the first two place the money into the coffin. The third of the partners  take the $2000. and leaves a $3000. check.

Rabbi David of Lelov once heard a simple man who was praying say the name of God after every verse. The reason he did this was that there are two dots, one above the other, at the close of every verse. The man took each to be the tiny letter “yud” (in Yiddish it is pronounced as “yid” which also means “Jew”) and since the name of God is sometimes abbreviated in the form of two “yuds,” he thought that what he saw at the end of every verse was the name of God. The tzaddik instructed him: “Wherever you find two Yids (Jews) side-by-side and on a par, there is the name of God. But whenever it looks to you as if only one Yid (Jew) is standing above the other, then they are not Yids (Jews)  it is and it is not the name of God.” –Martin Buber,  Late Masters We a re here with, and for, one another.

A Jewish man was severely injured by a train. A priest rush over to him and bent down and asked, “Do you believe in the father, son and holy ghost?” Did you looked up and said, “I’m dying and you’re asking me riddles?”

A Pawnee Indian said: In the beginning of all things, wisdom and knowledge with the animal. For Tirawa, the One Above, did not speak directly to man. He sent certain animals to tell mankind that he showed himself through the beast.  And that from them, and from the stars and sun, man should learn.”   -Joseph Campbell,  The Power of Myth

The calf was being led along the street towards slaughterhouse. As Rabbi Judah passed by, the animal broke loose, sensing that was going to its death. It ran to Rabbi Judah and nuzzled its head in his cloak and whimpering pathetically. Gently, Rabbi Judah turned the calf around to where its owner stood waiting and bent down to whispered in its ear, “Go, this is what you were created for.” That day, the heavenly court decreed that since Rabbi Judah had  shown no compassion, sufferings will be brought upon him. One day, Rabbi Judah’s servant was cleaning the house. A weasel made its home in the dark corner and had deposited young there. The maid was about to sweep them out and throw them away. ”Stop,” cried Rabbi Judah. “It is written, ‘His mercies extend to all his works’.”  Straight away, the heavenly court decreed that since he had shown compassion, compassion would be shown to him.

"Godfrey Cambridge told me once -the black, he died.   He was a wonderful man -he said to me in an interview, "Do you know what blacks need? The Jewish PR league. ..I didn't hear that polio was cured, I heard a Jewish doctor cured polio today." - Larry King Teach pride in oneself.

“When, at last, we stepped out of the ghetto into the world, worse befell us from within then ever before than had ever befallen us from without. The foundation, the unique unity of people and religion, developed into a deep rift, which has since become deeper and deeper.”  -Martin Buber With freedom comes great responsibility as the temptation is to merge with everyone else.

si neviim no somos de neviim venimos A Ladino paraphrase of the Talmud, “We may not be prophets, but we are descended from them.” We look upward and outward beyond ourselves.  We can be more than we are.

A little over a decade ago, I was invited to address and “ideological seminar” of the World Union of Jewish Students some 30 miles north of Helsinki in Finland. An ongoing debate developed between myself and very debonair Israeli journalist, publisher of a rather decadent, extremely left-wing newspaper. Throughout of our debate he kept arguing that I am a member of the Hebrew nation, while you are a member of the American nation, you are a Belgian national, and you are French national. I am in Hebrew national-and therefore we are not the same people. We may have the same connection in the remote past, like that of the Australians and the British, we are basically of different nationalities. I am a Hebrew national.”  I had just about enough of this particular line and so I said, “I’d like you to know that in the country I came from ‘Hebrew National’ is the name of the firm that produces baloney. The only difference is that their baloney is certified as kosher.  – Rabbi ...

Two Jews – one young, the other old – were traveling by train from Kiev to Odessa.  Neither knew the other.  The young Jew was well groomed and had lots of packages with him, including a bag overflowing with several kinds of sausage. “Are you Shapiro?” the elderly Jew asked. “Yes I am,” exclaimed the surprised young Jew, “but how did you know?  I’ve never seen you before.” “It was really quite simple,” began the old man. “Travelling on this route with so many sausages, you couldn’t possibly be going to Odessa, because it’s easy to find sausage there.  So you must be going to one of the small towns en route.  It has to be a town with a large Jewish population, since you look Jewish. That means it must be Zhmerinka. “For a young person like you to go to Zhmerinka before one of two reasons, either a marriage or funeral. Since no one has recently died in Zhmerinka, it must be for a marriage. “I know of only two forthcoming ma...

"That this new world, colonized by Puritans, listened to this little immigrant Jewish orphan in her 50s on matters they wouldn’t even discuss among themselves proves that any dreams can come true.”  - Dr. Ruth Westheimer Proof from Dr. Ruth, that with a "will" we can accomplish anything.

The Brotherhood has for its aim, A rabbi with Anglo-Saxon name, Whose application we’ll have to decline, If his name ends in -vich, or -sky or -stein.  In addition to being an Aryan, He must be a parliamentarian, Who can table in motion and squelch hubbub, And who’ll represent the Temple at the Rotary club.” – Lewis Weinstein

G.K. Chesterton, with appreciation, called America, “A country with the soul of a church.” What is best about America is our communal conscience, our ethical values and belief that all are equal.

“Somebody once said that a person is old whenever the person is 10 years older than you are.  That is why when you are 15, someone who is 25 seems just about half dead.” – unknown   Age is relative as is time. A 90-year-old man checked into a posh hotel to celebrate his birthday.  As a surprise, some friend s sent a call girl to his room.  When the man answered his door, he saw before him a beautiful young woman.  “I have a present for you,” she said. “Really?” replied the bewildered gent. “I’m here to give you super sex,” she said in a whisper. “Thanks,” he said thoughtfully.  “I’ll take the soup.”   Sometimes you just have to laugh.  Go ahead. "All your years past seventy are a gift from the good Lord: every extra day is special."  - Michael Jay Katz “All my possessions for a moment of time,” said Queen Elizabeth on her deathbed. We live life in the fast lane speeding along ...

In the middle of the last century, a leading European rabbi, the Brisker Rav, told his congregants on Kol Nidre night to bring money the next morning.   As you can imagine, the congregants were dumbfounded but trusting their rabbi absolutely, they came his money to synagogue Yom Kippur day.  He explained to them that, “I asked you to violate the sanctity of the holiest day of the year because I received word before Kol Nidre that a socialist, Bundist, was going to be shot this afternoon unless we come up with a ransom.”  Many in the congregation angry that they were asked to violate the sanctity of Yom Kippur for a non-observant Jew who stood against everything they believed.  But the rabbi said to them, "Doesn’t the Torah demand that we love our neighbor as yourself?  He’s a Jew.” What does this story say to us at this moment?

"Jews themselves were never fighters. I never see for black people walking in the street in saying, “Watch out! There's a Jew over there!” Let’s be honest. Did you ever see anybody afraid to walk into a Jewish neighborhood because he might get killed by an accountant?” –Jackie Mason A survival skill is knowing how to laugh at ourselves. Here is another:  A character in “My Favorite Year” noted that Jews are familiar with two things, suffering and where to find good Chinese food.

WHAT IS A JEW? This question is not as strange as it may seem at first glance. Let’s examine this free creature that was insulated and oppressed, trampled on and pursued, burned and drowned by all the rulers and the nations, but is nevertheless living and thriving in spite of the whole world. What is a Jew that did not succumb to any worldly temptations offered by his oppressors and persecutors so that he would renounce his religion and abandon the faith of his fathers? A Jew is a sacred being who procured an eternal fire from the heavens and with it illuminated the earth and those who live on it. He is the spring and the source from which the rest of the nations drew their religions and beliefs. A Jew is a pioneer of culture. From time immemorial, ignorance was impossible in the Holy Land, even more so than nowadays in civilized Europe. Moreover, at the time when the life and death of a human being was worth nothing, Rabbi Akiva spoke against the death penalty which is now co...

Dig: I’m Jewish. Count Basie’s Jewish. Ray Charles is Jewish. Eddie Cantor’s goyish. B’nai Brith is goyish; Hadassah, Jewish. Marine corps–heavy goyim, dangerous. Kool-Aid is goyish. All Drake’s cakes are goyish. Pumpernickel is Jewish, and, as you know, white bread is very goyish. Instant potatoes–goyish. Black cherry soda’s very Jewish. Macaroons are very Jewish–very Jewish cake. Fruit salad is Jewish. Lime jello is goyish. Lime soda is very goyish. Trailer parks are so goyish that Jews won’t go near them. Jack Paar Show is very goyish. -Lenny Bruce

The following essay was first published in Harpers Magazine by Mark Twain in September 1899:  "If the statistics are right, the Jews constitute but one quarter of one percent of the human race.  It suggests a nebulous puff of star dust lost in the blaze of the Milky Way.  Properly, the Jew ought hardly to be heard of, but he is heard of, has always been heard of.  He is as prominent on the planet as any other people, and his importance is extravagantly out of proportion to the smallness of his bulk. His contributions to the world’s list of great names in literature, science, art, music, finance, medicine and abstruse learning are also very out of proportion to the weakness of his numbers.  He has made a marvelous fight in this world in all ages; and has done it with his hands tied behind him. He could be vain of himself and be excused for it.  The Egyptians, the Babylonians and the Persians rose, filled the planet with sound and splendor, then faded ...

King Frederick the great once asked a Lutheran pastor to give him proof of God’s existence. The pastor replied, “ The Jews.”

"Some things have to be believed to be seen."  -Ralph Hodgson Trust what you believe.

Three retired old guys sat on a beach in Palm Beach.  “How’d you get here?” the first asked the second. “I had a textile factory in Passaic,” the second guy replied, “and I did pretty well for a long time. Then the competition from down south got fierce.  One day my water pipes burst and ruined all my machinery. I retired and came here on the insurance money.  How about you?” “I had a box company in Bridgeport,” the first guy said, “and was doing pretty well.  Then the price of materials shot up, and I nearly went broke-until a fire destroyed my whole plant. Luckily I was insured and I moved down here.” He turned to the third man. “And what brought you here?” ”Well,” the third answered, “My clothing factory in Puerto Rico did okay, but when Far Eastern manufacturers started underselling me, I thought I would go bankrupt. Then a hurricane flattened the building. I got the insurance, retired and came here.” The other two looked at ...

Master preacher John Killinger begins his new book with the story of a woman who phoned a seminary president one Saturday night. “Dr. Miller, what do I believe?” She asked. ”What do you mean?” Miller was not sure he had heard her correctly. ”I mean,” she said, “What do I believe? You see, I’ve just come from a party where several people got into a discussion about various beliefs. One woman was Jewish and she told us what she believes as a Jew. Another was Roman Catholic, and she told us what Catholics believe. Somebody was a Christian Scientist, and he talked about what they believe. I was the only Protestant in the group, and frankly, I didn’t know what to say. What do I believe?” ”That woman,” said Miller, “Must have come into the church on the confusion of faith, not the confession of faith.”   What do I believe?  What is my core faith?

I have learned that silverware tarnishes when it isn’t used; perfume turns to alcohol and never smells as sweet as when it is used; candles melt in the attic over the summer; plastic left on lampshades to keep off the dust make them wrinkle; and ideas that are saved for a dry week often become dated. I always had a dream what when I am called to give an accounting of my life to a higher court, it will go thusly: “So empty your pockets. What have you got left of your life? Any dreams that were unfulfilled? Any unused talent that we gave you when you were born that you still have left?  Any unspoken compliments or bits of love that you haven’t spread around? And I will answer: “I have nothing to return.  I spent everything you gave me.  I am as naked as the day I was born.”  - Erma Bombeck

“Frank believed that five was his special number.  He was born on May 5, had five children, and lived at 555 East 55 Street.  At the track on his 55 th birthday, he was surprised to find a horse named Numero Cinco running in the fifth race. So five minutes before the race, he went to the fifth window and put five thousand down on Numero Cinco. Sure enough, the horse came in fifth.”  - William Novack and Moshe Waldocks Luck is just that, luck.

“A very popular error, having the courage of one’s convictions; rather it is a matter of having the courage for an attack of one’s convictions.”     - Nietzsche This is the real test of strength.

The Dubner Maggid overheard a group of freethinkers scoffing at the Jewish religion and at the idea of a Messiah.  He turned to them and said, “A hungry fox saw a crow standing on a branch of a tall tree and called up, “Why are you afraid to come down to me?  The Messiah has come; no animal will now devour the other.  All will live in peace with one another.”   While the fox was talking to the crow, he heard the voices of barking dogs.  He became frightened and asked the crow to see where the barking came from.   “Hunter and ferocious-looking dogs are coming this way,” the crow informed him.   Instantly the fox began to run.   “Didn’t you say that the Messiah had come?” the crow asked. “Why are you running?”   “What else should I do?” the fox replied.  “Dogs don’t believe in a Messiah.”

Anatoly Sharansky’s Hanukkah Menorah was confiscated in 1980 before the holiday was over.  So Sharansky began a hunger strike.  KGB Major Balabanov declared, “A camp is not a synagogue. We won’t permit Sharansky to pray here.  He will not have it returned to him.” Major Osin, the camp director, heard of Sharansky’s strike.  “Please stop,” he begged.  “In the future, no one will hinder you from praying.” “Give me back my menorah, as tonight is the last evening of Hanukkah.  Let me celebrate it now, and I shall end the hunger strike.” “What’s a menorah?”  “Candlesticks.” But as documents had been drawn up; confiscation had taken place, Osin could not be seen to back down. As I looked at this predator, sitting at an elegant polished table and wearing a benevolent smile, I was seized by an amusing idea.   “Listen,” I said, “I’m sure you have a menorah somewhere.  It’s very important to...

“Rabbis were the most religious of men but had no word for religion.” – Israel Zangwill Why is that?  Perhaps because when you live it, there is no need to label it.

A paranoid insists he is dead.  A psychiatrist treating him finally asks, “Do dead men bleed?”   “No.” “Well, let’s see if you bleed,” and he pricks his finger. The man looks down and says, “I guess dead men do bleed.” They say, “seeing is believing” but it is not true.  Believing is believing.

" There is not much doubt how the struggle is likely to end, if it lies between those who, believing, care very much- and those who, lacking belief, cannot care very much. “ – Walter Lippman Open your heart.

“You are My witnesses,” says the Lord. Pesikta d’Rav Kahana comments: “If you are My witnesses then I am your God.  And if not, then I, as it were, am not God.”

When Thomas Jefferson wrote that governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, it was a simple and important act of the human spirit.     What gave meaning to that act, however, was the fact that the author backed it up with his life.” –Vaclav Havel

On a kitchen wall was a beautiful taxidermied seagull with its wings stretched as if in full flight. The wooden board on which the bird was mounted read, “Whenever I try to fly someone stands on my wings.”   R. Robert Cueni If you love some one let them fly. If you think you know better, it may be wise to keep quiet. Do not stifle someone else’s dreams.

“God created man in His image and man returned the compliment.”   -Voltaire

I believe in the sun – even when it does not shine; I believe in love – even when it is not shown; I believe in God – even when He does not speak. -scratched into the basement wall, by a victim of the Holocaust, found by Allied Officers 

Mr. Goldwyn sat forward at his desk and peered over his glasses.  You’re a what?” “I’m a Jew, Mr. Goldwyn, and I can’t work on the high holy days.” “You mean it?  It’s not one of your little jokes?” “No. I’ll do anything in the world for you, Mr. Goldwyn, but I won’t work on Yom Kippur.” “You’re a real Jew?” “Yes, sir.  I converted several months ago.” “You know what it’ll cost me to suspend production for a day?  We can’t change the schedule, it’s too late.  Twenty-five thousand.  Maybe more.” “I just learned today that I’m scheduled to shoot on Yom Kippur, sir.  I came up as soon as I heard.” He threw out his hands. “Sammy –answer me a question. What did I ever do to you?” “Sir, you’ve been wonderful and I feel terrible about the problems I’m causing you.  It’s one day of the year when I won’t work.  I’m sorry.  I really am.” He took off his glasses. “...

Consider how many people have heard of the French town of Evian.  Nowadays it’s known for its gourmet drinking water.  For Jewish history, the name carries another connotation. In 1938 a refugee conference was convened there.  The object: to see who might take the Jews of Germany.  Hitler supposedly was willing but the result was no one and nothing. And the headlines in Nazi paper, “Jews for Sale.  Who wants them?  No one.”  -Michael Zedek "If I am not for myself, who will be for me?" - Hillel If we have not  learned  this lesson by now.....

“Every gentile home is a workshop. Every Jewish house is a museum… Jews can’t even fix a car. A gentile car breaks down and they’re under the car right away. A Jewish car breaks down and you always see the same thing.  “It stopped.” And the the wife says, “It’s your fault.”   -Jackie Mason

“A Jew who had been unfortunate in business offered up the following prayer: “O Lord, help me in business!  You help complete strangers, why not help me?” -Friday Nite Book Never forget, yours is a personal God.  Talk to Him that way.

Harvey and Estelle Cohen decided to convert to Protestantism.  So they went to a minister and dutifully attended all the exercises involved.  Finally, after the whole thing was done Harvey turned to his wife and said, “Now. Let’s become Catholics.” “But why?” she asked. “So that when he asks what we were before, we can say that we were Protestants.”  - Walter Rothschild Sometimes fear keep us from acknowledging who we really are.

“If you ever forget you are a Jew a gentile will remind you.”  -Bernard Malamud It should not be this way.  We should always be mindful of who we are, our legacy, our task.

A Christian clergyman wrote a book called “The Systematic Theology of the Synagogue.”  A rabbi removed it and he began, “First, there is no such thing as the Synagogue.  Second, if there were, it wouldn’t have a theology.  And third, if it did, it wouldn’t be systematic.”   -Bernard Lewis

ITEM: “I was always an unbeliever, raised without religion….And I always tried to suppress nationalistic ardor…as something pernicious and unjust,” Sigmund Freud wrote in 1926.  But when publication of his shocking views on human sexuality in the 1890’s led to his ostracism by Viennese society, Freud joined the Vienna lodge of B’nai Brith, the international Jewish fraternal order, to find people who would “receive me with friendliness.”   Despite his rejection of Jewish religious and ethnic particularism, he told the members in a speech written for the seventieth-birthday celebration of the lodge, “there remained enough other things to make the attraction of Judaism and Jews irresistible – many dark emotional forces, all the more potent for being so hard to grasp in word, as well as the clear consciousness of an inner identity, the intimacy that comes from the same psychic structure.” – Charles Silberman

"In Judaism, the attitude to Law has always been that it is  merciful (for example we refer to this in the prayer Ahavah Rabba h).  In fact one of the common phrases for Law is " rachmana " (merciful) while Christian law is thought to be harsh (concerning law and sin)." - Louis Jacobs

The story is told of the sudden warning of an immanent ten foot flood which would shortly envelop the entire earth.  Immediately, the Pope issued a decree for all "Christian souls" to start praying for a  miracle.  While the Christians occupied themselves with getting God's attention, the Jews started to learn how to live under water. Do not depend on miracles.

A Jewish family moved into a mixed neighborhood.  Their Irish neighbors saw the new family and their beautiful little boy. The daughter cooed and fawned over the boy and asked, "What is he?" The mother answered that he is an American. The young girl was not satisfied.  "What else is he?" The mother understood.  "He is Jewish." "Oh," said the child.  "So young and already he's a Jew."  - Rabbi Ralph Simon

For this reason a single person was created (Adam was created alone) To teach you that anyone who kills one soul of Israel Is considered as if he has killed an entire world And anyone who sustains one soul of Israel Is considered as if he has sustained an entire world And because of peace among mankind, so that one person won't say to his fellow "My father is greater than your father" And so that the apostates won't say "There are many authorities in heaven" And to tell the greatness of the Holy One Blessed Be He That a man mints many coins with one stamp, all of them the same as one another And the King of Kings the Holy One Blessed Be He minted every person with the stamp of Adam And not one of them is the same as his fellow For this reason every single person must say The world was created for me - Talmud Bavli, Sanhedrin 37B

The British gave the world everything – especially its culture.   Take William Shakespeare, for example, who provided the world with prose unparalleled in the world.   His works shall be immortal.   Certainly the greatest writer that ever lived, William ‘Cohen’ Shakespeare was a marvel of human genius.   – Mel Brooks

What’s the difference between a Soviet optimist and pessimist? An optimist studies English.  A pessimist, Chinese.  -David Harris Old joke, but it shows how nothings has changed in the past 30 years.