A Soulful Journey

The TV is my shepherd My spiritual growth shall want. It maketh me to sit down And do nothing for His name’s sake, Because it requireth all my leisure time. It keepeth me from doing my mitzvoth Because it presenteth so many good shows I must see. It restoreth my knowledge of the things of the world And keepeth me from study. It leadeth me in paths of failing to be   at shul And useless to humanity. Yes, though I live to 120 I shall keep viewing my tv as long as it will work, For it is my closest companion. It presenteth entertainment before me And keepeth me from doing important things with my family. It fills my head with oil While my mug of beer overflowed. Surely no good thing will come of my life Because of so many wasted hours. And I shall dwell in my remorse And bitter memories forever.   - Anonymous

Rush Limbaugh learned his most memorable lessons in high school football field, where the future football broadcaster toiled as a defensive tackle. Limbaugh recalls one of his favorites: Every day after practice, we had to run wind sprints, which I hated. At some point, a coach would yell, “First three tackles through for the day!” That meant the first finishers in the next sprint quick showers. The others would continue running. It didn’t take me long to realize that if I pace myself during the early sprints, I would have some gas left to finish in the top three. After three days of this, the assistant coach called me over. ”Mr. Limbaugh, I noticed you’re usually in the middle of the pack until we call our first three tackles,” he observed. “Why is that?” ”I’m pacing myself, coach,” I said. ”In football we don’t pace ourselves,” the coach explained.   “We go all out all the time. You’d be wise to do that your whole life. If I see you doing that again, you’re going...

There is a good story about a woman who came to her rabbi to complain about her husband. “Rabbi,” she cried, “You must do something about all day and night he plays the fiddle; and if that is enough he plays on one note all the time I’m going out of my mind!” The good rabbi summoned the offending husband and asked him, “Is it true that you play the fiddle?” The man gladly admitted that he did and he beamed with delight that the rabbi has now found out about his new hobby. “But I hear,” said the Rabbi, “that you play one note all the time. That seems strange to me after all, there are several strings and, thank God, you have more than one finger to play many notes.” At this the man became upset and said, “Rabbi, please forgive me if I seem disrespectful. But you don’t know anything about playing fiddle. When you see other people playing on all four strings and with all the fingers running up and down strings, do you think they are playing properly? Not at all. They’re only search...

“I will restore the fortunes of my people in Israel; they shall rebuild deserted cities and live in them, they shall plant vineyards and drink their wine, make gardens and eat the fruit. Once more I shall plant them on their own soil, And they shall never again be uprooted from the soil I have given them. It is the word of the Lord your God.” –Amos 9:14-15

“A man’s reach should exceed his grasp or what’s heaven for?” – Robert Browning

“Tails, in my estimation, look good only on dogs.” –Groucho Marx