A Soulful Journey

Comedian Robert Klein showed movies of his Bar Mitzvah on "Late Night with David Letterman."  One highlight was a Ferris Wheel centerpiece made out of toothpicks and pickled herring.  "You waited for the fish you wanted to come down then you picked him out of the seat and ate him," he explained.  - reported by Alexander Wohl Stories like this are legend.  One extravaganza outdoes the next.  Each is equally funny and repellent.  When we will learn to sit still and laugh?  Or weep?

"If you ever need a heart transplant, wait for the heart of a banker.  It hasn't generally been used much."  - Sam Levenson Jokes abound about ruthless behavior but there is truth at the kernel of every joke.  The best thing we can ever do is have a good heart when dealing with others.

Hubert Humphrey knew he was long-winded.   He used to say, “I’m like the little boy who know how to spell banana but never knew when to stop.” It is good to know when to be silent.

Alfred Kahn, Jimmy Carter’s anti-inflation man, was told not to use the word “recession.”   He agreed to use the word “banana” instead and he was soon heard muttering about the “worst banana you ever saw.” It does not matter what you call it (a la Sigmund Freud), it is what it is.

Human fallibility being what it is, victory and truth do not always go together. Therefore, If you have to always win, you can't always be true. -Rebbe Nachman, The Empty Chair

As the system of crop rotation is such a success...."isn't it reasonable to believe that the scalp might respond to similar treatment?  In the winter we would grow hair on our heads, and then in the spring, as the hair began thinning and falling into the soup, the scalp could be plowed up and string beans planted?"    - Groucho Marx, Memoirs Logic does not always work but it is inevitably entertaining.  Like children, we should never stop the joyful process of wondering.

A human told the sun he had found one place on earth that was eternally dark.   "Nonsense," scoffed the sun.  He searched every place but could not even find a hint of shadow.  -Bennett Cerf We can only see as far as our mind will allow.

It is said in the Talmud that the outside must match what is inside.  Otherwise it is deceptive advertising.  Is this also true for how we present ourselves to the world? "Since clothes make the man, a woman ought to give a lot of thought to her dress." - Groucho Marx , Memoirs

A small boy said to his father, “Hey, dad, watch!”   He then threw the ball into the air and swung the bat fiercely, only to miss. “Wait, dad, watch this one,” he called.   And for the second time he swung and missed. “Here’s the one, dad!” as he swung fruitlessly again. Suddenly the ball called out, “Three strikes and out,.”   “Gee dad, aren’t I a great pitcher?” - as told to Hal Brady, Dallas, Texas, January 1992 Isn't this our challenge for life?

The town Apikores (atheist) heard about potential competition from a newcomer to town who also had a reputation for heresy.   He went to see the newcomer to judge his competition.   He saw a man wearing tallit and tefillin, davenning. When he finished his prayers he asked, “You are an Apikores?? What kind of Akipores wears a tallit, tefillin and davens? He answered, “I may be an Apikores but I am not a gentile!”   -Jacob Chinitz Even if you don’t know there is still room for doubt.

As converts are supposed to be thoroughly questioned to ascertain their sincerity on converting they are always told of the trials and difficulties which all Jews face. The story is related of Solomon Molcho (a Marrano) who was returning to Judaism.  When he was asked if he knew about the trials of the Jews and whether he still wanted to go through the conversion process, he replied, “Not just despite all the anguish which face the Jews but because of it.”  (in Hebrew, not af al pi chen , but l’fi ken ).   - Rabbi Louis Jacobs

Friends, what would Alexander say If he returned to life today? Would he be happy or bemoan What happened to his telephone? He’d dial a number to be told “This call is being put on hold.” The music he cared not to hear, Would raucously assault his ear. Would he hang up in a fit of pique, When hearing tape recordings speak? “So sorry, can’t come to the phone, Please leave your message at the tone.   Beep!     - Phyllis Ansel l

Midrash relates that when the trees of the forest first heard the clanging of iron implements they trembled with fear. “Woe is us,” they moaned in distress. “They are preparing to cut off our young loves,” one tree called out. “If it is only the iron we hear,” another tree said, “we have nothing to fear.   After all, they cannot chop down a tree with a piece of iron.   It only is dangerous when the iron is attached to something which comes from our own kind – a wooden handle.” Moral: If we Jews are only concerned with the prayer, “Deliver us from the hands of Esau,” our tragedy would not be so great.   The misfortune lies is a handle of our own kind being held by the hands of Esau.   Often we find one of our own kind being used by the enemy’s hands.

You may not live among us as Jews You may not live among us. You may not live. -Alan Gould quoting Emil Fackenheim

Rebbe Nachman said that, often, even just his daily religious obligations felt like a crushing burden. But the Rebbe found a way to bear the weight of his devotions by each morning saying to himself, "I will ignore tomorrow and all future tomorrows—today is all there is!" - The Empty Chair

An elderly widow complained to her doctor of nervousness and did not really know what was wrong with her. "The best remedy I can give is for you to get married," the doctor advised. "How about you?" she brazenly asked. "My dear lady, we doctors only write prescriptions, we don't take them."

There are directions and signs in life that take us to good, healthy places.   What is advice worth?  Here is an answer: "The suggestions you get are free--- you pay if you don't take them." - Alan Zoldan

The way you read life is the slant that you bring to it. Asked by a journalist in 1938 whether Hitler had solved the Jewish problem, George Bernard Shaw answered, "He has created it."

"Anti-antisemitism explains Jewish history; history cannot explain anti-semitism."  - Rabbi Harold Shulweis

“ There is no sense trying to convince non-Jews by all sorts of inferences that we are equal, for their behavior does not have its roots in the mind.” – Albert Einstein , The World as I See It No good person will shrink from trying to reason with people who hate. They feel that with a little persuasive logic, and the idea that all people are good at heart, evil can be made into good. Is this true?  Or was Einstein correct?

Alsatians complained to Napoleon that local Jews were ruining them through usury.   Napoleon answered their complaints on April 30, 1806 when he told the Imperial Council it was “dangerous to allow so large a preponderance of the Jews, who constitute a state within a state, in a part of the French empire bordering on the territories of its enemies.” His solution?   Instead of further segregating or persecuting the Jews Napoleon advocated a novel idea: equality and opportunity.

Al Jolson once invited a friend to join him in a round of golf at the Westchester Biltmore Country Club.   But he was refused admittance because he was a Jew.   Said Jolson afterward, “I shudda told ‘em Richman was only half Jewish – and please let him play nine holes.”

"Do not cast us away into old age." Nobody wants to get old. Rabbi Sidney Greenberg made a comment on this verse that when a person visits a friend in the hospital they may remark, "Boy, has she aged!" Even though the patient may look bedraggled Greenberg warns us to to slot people into the old age category based on how we look.  Such thinking brings us lower than we already feel. Our words have a dramatic effect.

"I do not read advertisements -- I would spend all my time wanting things." -Archbishop of Canterbury Maintaining control over our impulses is not easy.  Often we are drawn back to the clutches of harmful pastimes.  In such instances the wisest path is to remove what is most harmful from our reach. We always have the ability to control our impulses.

Ashmodai brought before King Solomon a man with two heads.  The father had died and left the two-headed man and his siblings a large inheritance.  King Solomon was to determine whether this man was two people and due for a larger portion or one person. Solomon said, 'Let boiling water be poured over the head.'  If the the other head did not complain it was a sign that these were two separate people.  If , however, the second head objected it would mean it was one person.  -Midrash The same is true of the Jewish nation.  We have many heads.  They are scattered throughout the world and speak in many languages.  There are times when we wonder whether all these heads belong to the same body; whether we have anything in common.  These doubts disappear when pain is inflicted on one of us.  All the others immediately feel the impact and react. We are one.